Anxious about the next phase

I am a worrier. I am always anxious. My mind is always racing. Now when you consider that I have a pre-teen who is about to start high school, you can imagine that I am not ok. I keep wondering how my own parents managed this process. They seemed so together … so normal. Back to school was just another thing to do and I don’t know how they did it.

The more I think about it though, is the more I realize that it is probably not that they weren’t worried or anxious. It’s probably not that they were better prepared to handle the situation. It is more likely that they worried quietly to themselves. And while I haven’t yet asked my mom to confirm my theory, I notice that in my own situation, I don’t share my worries with my kid (who does that?). I am doing my best to keep my worries from him because I am sure he has worries of his own.

I am trying to prepare him for the transition so I talk to him about dangers to look for and experiences to look forward to. I talk to him about new rules and new responsibilities and new expectations. Those are the parts of this process he needs to worry about. He doesn’t need to know that I am freaking out about whether he will get lost going from class to class. He doesn’t know that I am dying inside thinking that he may not get lunch or that he may not adjust to having to do things more hurriedly. He doesn’t know that it breaks my little mom heart thinking about how he may struggle with failure or loneliness or not being accepted. Each time I think about it I want to cry (like now!).